Satire: Leave your legacy on Redwood with this senior bucket list

Audrey Hettleman

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  1. Park in Sondheim’s spot every day for a week. Hope he didn’t miss the permit deadline.
  2. Organize a walkout. Doesn’t matter what it’s for, people will walk out for anything if they can miss a math test. 
  3. Sneak a full meal into the library undetected. Extra points if it’s Doritos.

  4. JUUL in every bathroom, including the staff ones. 
  5. Five fire drills in five days. See item number 4.
  6. Don’t do any homework for a week. Just see what happens.
  7. Pull an all-nighter the night before a final. Probably gonna do it anyways, so might as well have a game plan. 
  8. Fall down Bolinas Ridge. What better way to appreciate Marin’s rolling hills?
  9. Take a sledgehammer to the spirit ball. Plain old graffiti is so 2018.
  10. Successfully swerve Zargar trying to leave for lunch. If you do this, he’s legally required to sing “California Love.” 
  11. Try the tuna in the vending machine. Don’t worry about freshness, it’s like tasting a piece of history!
  12. Domesticate and train an army of South Lawn geese. You’ll never have to eat alone again!
  13. Assert your dominance by keying a sophomore’s car parked in Senior Row. Don’t let parking permits ruin a time-honored tradition.

  14. Get the expired chocolate milk from the CEA. More lumps, more luck!
  15. Photobomb a Redwood TV segment without detection. I recommend investing in a bush costume. 
  16. Organize a secret flash mob on the South Lawn. It’s okay if no one joins in.
  17. Sample every item on the CEA menu. After June you’ll never be able to taste these delicacies again. 
  18. Retake social issues. Just in case you didn’t get enough of the condom certification session the first time around.
  19. Replace every photo in the Redwood Hall of Fame with a photo cute selfies. Who cares about Robin Williams, the real star of the school is you!
  20. Wear MC gear to the Homecoming rally. If you’re gonna burn some bridges, might as well do it in style.