When life gives you lemons buy happiness

Natalie Welch

In today’s world, it can be hard to pull someone out of a deep state of desolation, especially during the holiday season. As the sun shortens its rise and quickens its fall, that numbing feeling of isolation begins to creep in. The holidays mean that relationships will begin to come and go, awkward passive-aggressive family fights at the dinner table will continue to drag on and those lonesome, sleepless nights will feel more and more inescapable. Nothing seems to be going right, nothing seems to fulfill your happiness. Well, nothing except money, of course. 

Let’s take a look at all the wonderful ways money can save you from complete isolation this winter. First and foremost, it will never fail to fix all your life’s dilemmas. Did you have a bad day because your boyfriend got with his ex behind your back? Who cares! Forget about those backstabbing bitches and take a trip to Rome on your private jet. Hit the Chanel store on your way in, and treat yourself with a $30,000 dress. Sit on a rooftop restaurant while you eat your gold encrusted margarita pizza and bask in the glorious sights of the Colosseum. Finally, after a long night of relaxing in Rome, come home to your brand new penthouse in New York City. Is that not enough to make you smile? Add a private concert by any artist of your choice and then see how you feel. Why? Because you’re rich.

Illustrated by: Brooke Leslie

You tell me what sounds better: crying alone in your run down, one-bedroom apartment while eating a tub of chunky monkey ice cream, or crying in a solid gold bathtub while wearing your most expensive diamonds and watching “The Notebook” on your 100-inch flat screen TV, using 20 dollar bills as tissues. The answer is obvious. It proves that even in the darkest of times, in your darkest hours, money will always find a way to save the day.

If you are really so afraid that you will not be ‘fully’ satisfied with a materialistic mindset and need some company, buy puppies, kittens, ponies or another furry friend to satisfy your loneliness. But remember to not stress about having friends. It is a known phenomenon that rich people have more friends than the average citizen. Just look at the number of ‘friends’ Jennifer Aniston has.

Let’s be real, sadness is a void and in order to fill that void, happiness must be achieved. How, you ask? With materialistic things! With enough money, the world is quite literally your oyster. 

Being wealthy makes everyone a better person with fewer worries and fewer fears. No need to stress about jobs and school when you’ve already got everything you’ve ever wanted. Why do you think people get a job in the first place? To make money. You can now spend quality time doing the things you actually enjoy like having a private wine and cheese tasting with the Queen of England, getting Christian Dior to design your own wardrobe and living your life to the fullest. There are no limitations or restrictions. This is just how the world is meant to work: the more money you have the more Christmas presents you can buy yourself, and the happier the holidays are. And you know what they say ‘when life gives you lemons, buy happiness.’