Dear Christmas themed cups at Starbucks,

So you’re back. You just come waltzing into town like nothing has happened, like nothing has changed. Don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who left for a year with no explanation, no warning. No note. And I’m just supposed to be okay with that.

Well, I’m not. A lot has changed in the last year. I’ve moved on.

Do you know what it was like for me after you disappeared? I was a wreck. I couldn’t get out of bed; there was nothing to look forward to. I started visiting the places we spent time together, on the off chance you might be waiting for me at the coffee shop near my house. But no matter where I went, the fact was that you were gone.

Worst of all, it seems that I was the only one who noticed. Signs advertising your presence remained up. I drove by where I last saw you over and over again, and I even stopped by Peet’s for a late night coffee call because I know you hate him.

If I had realized how temporary your presence in my life would be, I would have done things differently. I would have cherished the time we spent together more.

Maybe I could have posted more Instagram photos of the two of us.  I would have told you I loved you each and every single day. If only I knew it was all going to end, I would have planned ahead. I would have stocked up. If only I knew.

But like I said, things are different now. I’ve changed. I’m strong now. I bought my own coffee machine.

I’m not the same girl who needed you, yearned for you, and cried when you weren’t around. I am an independent, self-sufficient woman, who refuses to be tied down. Especially to something that can’t handle hanging around for more than a three-month period of time. So screw you, you commitment phobic piece of crap.

You’ve got a lot of nerve coming back here. How dare you look me in the eye? Do you think I’m dumb? Do you think I don’t realize that since you’ve come back, you’ve flirted with every person you pass on the street, tempting them with your elusive charms and adorable little snowman and reindeer decorations?

I really did try to move on.  I played the field…Emporio Rulli’s, Woodlands, you name it.  But things just weren’t the same.  Their sub par attempts at trying to woo me always fell through.  Nothing gave me that warm feeling in the pit of my stomach quite like you did.

But regardless, you left me with nothing but a couple pints of Ben & Jerry’s and a slew of Nicholas Sparks movies to cure my achy brakey heart and now, after all this time, you want back in.

You jerk. You big jerk. I trusted you. I thought we had something special. And now you’ve gone and thrown it all away. Again. God, I’m stupid. I’m so stupid. I hate you. I really, really do.

Wait. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m being too hard on you. I don’t know. I’ve put so much into this relationship already. Maybe it’s better to just try again? A blank slate, so to speak.

It’s still early in the season…I mean Christmas hadn’t really arrived until you showed up. We still have time—we can still make it work. What do you say? How about a gingerbread latte? For old time’s sake? But please, whatever you do. Don’t ever leave me again.

I love you,
Perry W. Costa