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Redwood Bark

Redwood Bark

Redwood Bark

A high school student ridden with acne scrolls through social media posts of influencers with seemingly flawless skin from filters.
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Seniors launch their caps in their air as Dr. Barnaby Payne announces they have officially graduated.
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Riley Peterson and Caitlin Shaver eat together as they discuss what they will be doing at the graduation practice.
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Satire: Redwood parking is not a joke

The start of the school year has marked the (now) senior class’ graduation from library lunch study sessions to front lot luncheons. As we all know, upperclassmen covet the front lot parking spots. I have not once in my four years at Redwood heard a student complain about the parking lots. Ever. They are clearly the perfect size to fit every student who would want a parking spot, a perfect design and perfectly supervised. If students could choose their favorite part of Redwood, they would undoubtedly choose the parking lot.
If you are lucky enough to get a spot in either the front or back parking lot, you surely don’t have to worry about the traffic in the morning, because it just doesn’t exist! The smooth layout of the lots ensures that there are absolutely no traffic jams and that students are never late to class due to parking issues. Not to mention that all student drivers take every precaution possible to make sure they don’t crash into someone’s dad’s BMW, or scratch their mom’s Tesla. In fact, I have never seen a student start to pull out of their spot without looking behind them, or even heard a horn honked. No promises for the students walking though…
Contrary to what some ignorant underclassmen may think, sneaking out of third period to leave the parking lot early doesn’t actually get you out faster! You see, like I said, the traffic is very very very minimal in the first place. On the off chance that there is some traffic, don’t worry! You can always drive over the sidewalk to get out of the parking lot. Just make sure that your car has four wheel drive! In fact, creativity and new ways to approach situations are always encouraged by Redwood, which loves finding solutions to potential problems!

Ava Carlson

On the topic of parking attendants, you may have noticed a new one! Our parking attendants at Redwood work hard as a team to make sure that students follow the rules, even though that isn’t necessary because Redwood students are perfect. In fact, they are so over-prepared that they have everyone’s parents on speed dial!
At lunch, it is common for students to be seen taking laps in their car around the parking lot when the parking attendants are there to make sure nobody is leaving. This is not because they are hoping to get let off of campus, which is NOT allowed. Rather, Redwood students care for the well-being of their cars and having a smooth running engine that is sufficiently used every day is imperative. However, every once and a while, when the parking attendants seem especially interested in something you’ve pointed out to them in the opposite direction, like Mount Tam, it’s totally okay to speed out of the parking lot (only if you have an emergency doctor’s appointment of course).
Additionally, here at Redwood, we pride ourselves on being extremely open to feedback, one could even say overjoyed by it. Students particularly appreciate the generosity and threats of our parking spots being taken away. We are always looking for a good learning experience and gentle reminder!
So, here’s to the Redwood parking lots!

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About the Contributor
Sawyer Barta
Sawyer Barta, Senior Staff Writer
Sawyer is a senior at Redwood High School and a senior staff writer for the Bark. She enjoys learning about new cultures and languages through travel and foods and is partial to the snow, sweaters and smoothies.