Satire: Remembering class of 2021’s best “four” years of our lives

PJ Pfeiffer

Dear senior self,

I’m writing this on Sept. 2, from Mrs. Plescia’s world cultures and geography class. You finished high school! Pretty easy, right? I assume you’re very emotional right now as you reflect on the last four years. I want to ask as many questions as possible, so I’ll just get started. 

How was freshman year? Was it just da bomb? My older siblings have told me so much about this school and how spirited the students are, so I’m really looking forward to the rallies. If you have the chance, you should definitely be in one of them, especially a sports relay race or something. Try not to go for a dunk and accidentally concuss a kid, though, because that would be so awkward. 

Speaking of having fun, I hope that you made the volleyball team. If you did, how was your volleyball career? I hope you were able to play all four years since you’re probably not good enough to play in college. Make these seasons count, especially your senior year! 

Oh, and you should’ve turned 18 by now! What did you get for your 18th birthday? Concert tickets? I’m sure you will have a lot of artists and venues to choose from. I mean, you live in California, which is a prime spot for concerts. Speaking of, you should definitely go to Outside Lands in August.

That leads me to my next question: How was prom? I bet Mr. Sondheim and the whole Parent Teacher Association Board made it really fun! I’ve been looking forward to prom since I was a kid and I’m so excited to dress up. I know that the class officers work insanely hard to put everything together and it will all turn out perfectly. Hopefully, we use the money wisely for our prom, instead of giving all the seniors a lousy gift, like a sign.

Illustration by Natalie Tress

Last question, are you excited to graduate? I went to my brother and sister’s a few years ago and from what I’ve seen, it’s super exciting. I can’t wait for my entire extended family to watch me sprint over the amphitheater. 

Okay, okay, enough about you, let’s talk about me. Currently, my favorite song is “Mask Off,” by Future. I am really hoping for a new Rihanna album, since her latest release was “ANTI,” which came out last year. I know that you love watching shows like “Stranger Things,” “Parks and Recreation” and “Shameless,” but I hate to say that you might not have a lot of downtime to watch it. I hope you didn’t slack off, procrastinate or turn in any assignments late. I heard from a few seniors already that the teachers are tough graders and don’t round up. So, I’m going to make sure all my homework is done the night before it’s due, at the latest, because there’s no chance that the teachers would ever give me a universal A for just finishing the work. 

Also, I got my first kiss last week, not to flex. Yep, I guess I’m pretty cool now. OH! And my mom let me take a sip of her beer the other day, so yeahhh. I guess I’m ready for all of these parties. I should probably start asking people to drop their addresses if they’re throwing, right? I think I will; it’ll make a good first impression.

So, future self, I guess I should be ending this soon since the bell is about to ring. I do want to say that I am proud of you for graduating high school. I hope you took risks and rebelled because, in the end, it doesn’t really matter. You never know what will happen; you might never see any of these students in a classroom again. So I hope in the past few years you had as much fun as possible because when you look back, you do not want to remember spending all day in your house, with your family, while doing absolutely nothing. 


Your freshman self