People are always telling me to enjoy high school while it lasts, because once it’s over, “I’ll miss it forever.” And sure, there are parts of Redwood that I’ll definitely miss, like spirit weeks with rallies and the lip dub, seeing my childhood friends between classes and cheering for our school during exciting championship games. But as graduation nears, it’s become increasingly clear that there are also plenty of things about high school that I absolutely will not miss. 

The treacherous sprint to the portables in the pouring rain

When Marin is experiencing an “atmospheric river,” and it’s raining at all hours of the day, it’s just your luck if you have to walk a long six minutes out to the portables. 

Nothing says “ready to learn” like walking into class smelling like a wet dog with soaked clothes and a dripping binder. …Bonus points if you’re wearing flip flops. Your Rainbows will never recover. 

The parking lots being comparable to the Hunger Games

When you arrive at school and someone has parked in your spot, it’s war. Your options: leave an angry pink sticky note or begin the domino effect of stealing someone else’s spot and ruining everyone’s morning. 

And getting out of the lot at the end of the day? People you considered friends suddenly forget how eye contact works as they cut you off, and parents will block your spot then honk at you. Still, a brief shoutout to the rare students who actually let you back out of your spot — they’re the real heroes, even if you never learn their names. And good luck if the lots have flooded… you’re better off swimming home.

The ridiculous things people do in the hallways instead of walking forward

You’d think that students would walk with purpose down the (already narrow) hallways, right? Wrong. Instead, people form huddles in the middle of the hallway, walk at the pace of a snail or have no sense of spatial awareness while the rest of us try to walk at an average speed.

Additional hallway hazards include: tripping on your Ugg slippers (multiple times in a row), falling down the stairs and walking upstairs in a skirt (beware, people below).

The memorable on-campus food options

Yes, the lunch line is free, so points for that, but the options are… memorable. Is it healthy to eat an Uncrustable for lunch every day? At least the juice boxes are made with “100 percent juice,” so that has to count for something. 

And don’t even consider the vending machines. You won’t be getting so much as the crumbs of a Dorito — they’ll steal your money instead and make you jump through hoops to get a refund.

School Chromebooks and Wi-Fi. Enough said.

“Yay! I can’t wait to log in to this Chromebook quickly,” said no student ever. I hate to break it to you, but it probably won’t load before graduation. And forget trying to open Cool Math Games or any website that the district has decided threatens society, hello spinning circle of death and blocked websites.

And somehow, the school’s whole Wi-Fi-blocking strategy became pointless the second students discovered hotspots. 

Spending a whole day at school to come home and do more schoolwork

Apparently, seven hours at school every day is still not enough educational enrichment, so we’re given even more work to do at home!

Occasionally, a second-semester senior wants to do something crazy — like relax. We’d like to watch a show, hang out with friends… the usual high school things. Is that too much to ask?

Bathroom passes

A communal pass that you take to the bathroom, really? That’s basically inviting every germ in Marin County onto the shiny red lanyard (because I know some of you aren’t washing your hands).

And when someone loses that pass, new substitutes pop up like “the bathroom ruler” or “the bathroom pencil.” At some point, we have to ask ourselves whether carrying around a communal bathroom pencil is really necessary. 

Phone jails… soon to be reinforced with off-brand Yondr pouches (who cares about the name when we can’t even use our phones to Google it?)

Whether we name it a “phone spa” or a “phone jail,” it’s all the same when your phone is locked away in a sad little pouch. 

And best of luck to students next year living in full, phone-less lockdown. No more texting about your ride home from school, paying for off-campus lunch or driving your Tesla home. Thoughts and prayers to next year’s students wandering campus trying to locate their friends the old-fashioned way. Are carrier pigeons making a comeback?

Redwood gave me friendships, memories and school spirit. It also gave me parking lot road rage and Wi-Fi that never worked, so I’d say we’re even.