Inseparable friendships:
By Sienna Watt
Surrounded by a culture of hyperindependence and constantly booked schedules, prioritizing close friendships has been put on the back burner. Relying on others can be seen as a weakness and something we prefer to avoid. Beneath this push towards separation, something essential is slipping away: the comfort, trust and emotional stability that you can’t get from a distant friendship.
The benefits of inseparable friendship begin early in adolescent development. A study done by the University of Virginia found that teens who develop strong, loyal friendships go on to have healthier relationships, better mental health and greater professional success in adulthood. If they can’t learn how to maintain deep relationships, they often repeat this pattern later in life, seeking out unstable friendships. University of Virginia professor and researcher Joseph Allen explained this phenomenon.
“If you did not have good, quality, best-friend relationships as a teenager, in adulthood, by age 25, 26 and 27, you had worse work performance, lower-quality relationships with other adults, poor-quality romantic relationships and are more likely to be depressed,” Allen said.
Life is full of change and when things feel uncertain, a close best friend provides stability. According to the Pew Research Center, 61 percent of American adults say that having close friendships is an important factor in living a fulfilling life, above marriage, children and monetary success. While these other factors can contribute to a happy life, having close friends shapes quality of life more than most other social factors.
Robert Puff is a clinical psychologist, international speaker and author of 13 books on psychology. He warns that when friendships are treated casually and time isn’t carved out to spend together, it can lead to isolation. Friendships require cons
istent presence and not “healthy distance.” Time, intention and consistency shift casual friendships into close, inseparable ones.
America is currently experiencing what researchers call a “friendship recession.” According to the American Perspectives Survey, the percentage of adults with no close friends has quadrupled since 1990. The number of adults with “many” close friends has also dropped. People are spending more time alone, not out of desire for solitude, but because it is slowly becoming the norm.
Those who prefer space in their friendships often argue that being too close can feel suffocating and limit independence. This is a valid concern given that having an individual identity and pursuing personal growth are incredibly important. A relationship where someone is unable to function without the other’s excessive emotional support can be identified as codependency. This type of friendship isn’t healthy and is something to be wary of, as it can lead to losing personal identity and independence in a close friendship.
The distinction between codependence and an inseparable friendship can be difficult to discern, but there is an important difference. Closeness does not erase individuality; in fact, trusted friends can strengthen an individual’s sense of self. Being able to rely on a friend for mutual support doesn’t make someone weak or clingy; it makes you human.
Friendships don’t need to be so casual and surface-level if people can become comfortable depending on one another in healthy ways without losing independence. Prioritizing time with friends, staying present and choosing closeness over space can help us rebuild our social connections.
Inseparable friendships can be more than just a preference. They can become a source of social strength, providing a sense of belonging, offering steady support and grounding people in uncertain times. In a world that tends to lean towards independence, having an inseparable friend can be rare and worth striving for.
Separable friendships:
By Espy Cubillos
Some people think that the strongest friendships are the ones where two friends never leave each other’s side. But the best friendships aren’t inseparable; they’re separable. They’re the ones that don’t break when life pulls them in different directions.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, inseparable friends are unable “to be separated” or “treated separately.” Beneath the surface, this closeness often hides dependency. Separable friends are the exact opposite; they don’t need the other person to be themselves.
Inseparable friends usually start having the same hobbies or relying on one another to make decisions, which can seriously limit their ability to be their own person, something a real friend wouldn’t want. For example, if someone didn’t try out for the baseball team because their friends didn’t, then they are self-sabotaging by limiting their opportunities and teaching themself that it is okay to not take risks without a support system. Real friends want healthy relationships and discourage this kind of codependence.
According to Ezra Counseling, “Being independent in a relationship gives each person time to focus on their own needs and helps build self-esteem and is overall good for your mental health. Being able to spend time separately and not feel uncomfortable is a good sign for healthy relationships.”
Some may argue that inseparable friends have healthier relationships, ones with more security, because they have someone who knows them inside and out. However, security in a friendship should come from trust, not attachment. Inseparable friendships only feel trustworthy when they are physically together. Meaningful friendships should be expected to last through separation. It is the foundation of trust.
Separable friendships prove to be loyal even when friends can spend long stretches of time or distance apart and still maintain closeness.
According to Berkley Wellbeing Institute, “long-distance relationships can work as well as geographically close ones. They just take a different mindset and more intentional effort to preserve intimacy and stay committed.”
For example, friends who go to sleepaway camp are forced to be separated for months, but when they do see each other, the bond is just as strong as ever.
Furthermore, according to Medium.com, “Since you already live far apart, there’s no need to worry about the potential of something breaking up the bond you share. This is quite unlike close-distance friendships, where outside variables can provide a risk to your relationship.”
Furthermore, some may say that because inseparable friends always have someone to talk to, trust and sit with, it prevents loneliness. While it may seem preventative now, this is actually the quickest way to becoming lonely later. This is because two inseparable friends being separated is actually very likely to happen. For example, friends will most likely not have all the same classes, go to the same college or live in the same state forever. And what happens when they become separated? Well, separable friends stay friends; inseparable friends cannot. If they could, there wouldn’t be two different words. And after this friendship breakup, they no longer have someone to turn to, and they will inevitably become lonely again.
Lastly, inseparable friends might claim that consistently showing up for one another grounds friendships through life’s unpredictability. However, true unpredictability brings changes, something that an inseparable friendship’s rigidity cannot handle. Although inseparable friendships intend to stay close, their dynamic lacks flexibility, making it unrealistic to survive under real-life circumstances. On the other hand, separable friendships encourage adaptability and resilience in uncertain times.
In summary, if a friendship is strong, you shouldn’t even question whether you can be separated; you should have faith that no matter where you are, you will still be best friends. Friends should be supportive like a life jacket, not weigh you down like an anchor. True friendships have the flexibility to separate instead of feeling like they are tied to one another, ultimately making separable friendships the healthiest ones anyone can have.
