It’s the middle of fourth period, and all of a sudden, your email dings with a new notification from your dream college: “There has been a status update to your application.” As your class gathers behind, you look at your friend, and both anxiously log in and click “view update”.

College application season is one of the most anxiety-filled times for high schoolers, filled with writing essays and hitting deadlines. On top of the academic and social pressure teens put on themselves, there is constant external pressure from the adults in their lives. For high school juniors and seniors, college application season has evolved from a private milestone into a highly public and criticized process. 

According to a 2025 survey from The Princeton Review, 73 percent of high schoolers reported feeling “high” or “very high” stress about the college application process. Peer conversations and pressure are a major factor in this stress, with data from the American Psychological Association showing that 63 percent of students reported feeling anxiety over where peers and friends are applying to college. Additionally, 58 percent worry about how they will be perceived if they attend a less selective college.

According to a 2022 Bark survey, 41 percent of students report hearing parents, teachers and students talk about college every day, and 30 percent report hearing college talk several times a week.

Although often sparked with good intentions, constant conversation about acceptances and rejections can increase the stress that students are already experiencing. Teenagers have identities and dreams beyond their next step; focusing solely on college questions can overshadow the true aspirations and goals they are working toward. Most teens haven’t even figured out what they truly want for themselves. Expecting 17 and 18-year-olds to have their lives planned out  is unrealistic and rarely the case. 

In fact, data from the National Center for Education Statistics shows that around 80 percent of college students switch their majors at least once, with one in 10 college students changing their major more than once. 

While college talk does cause pressure, it can also be a tool to assist in strengthening connections between students and adults. Speaking with friends after a hard rejection or a positive acceptance can help with processing emotions, and it’s natural to want to share these moments with your support system. The next step after high school is a major milestone and turning point in teenagers’ lives, no matter what their next step is, and curiosity typically comes from a place of care. 

We admit to being curious too. There are countless social media posts and graduation spreads that allow students to post their next steps on their own terms when they are ready. How we talk about college admissions can matter more than the results themselves. So rather than asking questions about college, here are some examples of questions you can use to start a conversation:

“What are you listening to lately?”

“Do you have any fun weekend plans?”

“Have you watched any good movies lately?”

“How are you liking your classes?”

“Found any new recipes recently?”

This applies to everyone, whether you are a junior talking to a senior, a parent talking to a teenager or even a stranger looking to strike up a conversation and are unsure of what to say. Don’t focus only on the future; focus on the present instead. At the end of the day, teenagers are more than the next step they will take.