Satire: Leave your legacy on Redwood with this senior bucket list
October 7, 2019
- Park in Sondheim’s spot every day for a week. Hope he didn’t miss the permit deadline.
- Organize a walkout. Doesn’t matter what it’s for, people will walk out for anything if they can miss a math test.
- Sneak a full meal into the library undetected. Extra points if it’s Doritos.
- JUUL in every bathroom, including the staff ones.
- Five fire drills in five days. See item number 4.
- Don’t do any homework for a week. Just see what happens.
- Pull an all-nighter the night before a final. Probably gonna do it anyways, so might as well have a game plan.
- Fall down Bolinas Ridge. What better way to appreciate Marin’s rolling hills?
- Take a sledgehammer to the spirit ball. Plain old graffiti is so 2018.
- Successfully swerve Zargar trying to leave for lunch. If you do this, he’s legally required to sing “California Love.”
- Try the tuna in the vending machine. Don’t worry about freshness, it’s like tasting a piece of history!
- Domesticate and train an army of South Lawn geese. You’ll never have to eat alone again!
- Assert your dominance by keying a sophomore’s car parked in Senior Row. Don’t let parking permits ruin a time-honored tradition.
- Get the expired chocolate milk from the CEA. More lumps, more luck!
- Photobomb a Redwood TV segment without detection. I recommend investing in a bush costume.
- Organize a secret flash mob on the South Lawn. It’s okay if no one joins in.
- Sample every item on the CEA menu. After June you’ll never be able to taste these delicacies again.
- Retake social issues. Just in case you didn’t get enough of the condom certification session the first time around.
- Replace every photo in the Redwood Hall of Fame with a photo cute selfies. Who cares about Robin Williams, the real star of the school is you!
- Wear MC gear to the Homecoming rally. If you’re gonna burn some bridges, might as well do it in style.
