When did the term masculinity become a brand? First came concerns of “toxic masculinity,” followed by TikTok trends of “the alpha male” or “the sigma male.” Now, the latest phase and phrase of the male behavior obsession has arrived: the “performative male.”

The relatively new male social media stereotype revolves around cultural symbols such as matcha drinks, tote bags, progressive literature, vintage clothing or a key chain with the plush toy “Labubu.” What began as a niche online aesthetic for men has spilled into real life.

Earlier this year, hundreds of self-proclaimed performative males gathered in San Francisco’s Alamo Square Park dressed in trendy clothing with wired headphones, carrying indie-pop vinyls and other distinct features, competing to prove themselves as the “most performative.”

The New York Times describes the performative male as the “antithesis” of toxic masculinity—a softer masculinity that is often seen as “likable to progressive women.” This aesthetic has resulted in trending memes of these men, arguing that they don’t truly want to read feminine literature, wear indie clothing or drink matcha, but they do it to attract female attention. Although being a performative male in 2025 is defined by social media, many people have different opinions on what being performative truly means and the goals behind it.

Senior Milo Silverio is no stranger to the rise of performative male characteristics and has even been called a performative male himself. To

him, the term is often used as a light-hearted joke, but it can also be taken offensively when implying feminine traits within a man.

“[Being called a] performative male is derogatory [in a way], because it categorizes someone, it puts them into a label, into a box that maybe that person does not want to be in,” Silverio said.

Senior Margo Parnell sees it differently.

“I’ve never seen it as an insult. I think it’s more of a joke. And I haven’t met anybody who actually fits the stereotype exactly,” Parnell said.

But beyond the jokes, the underlying judgment is real, especially in Marin County. According to a 2024 youth-led survey by the AIM Ideas Lab, nearly 70 percent of Marin teens reported feeling judged by their peers for how they dress or present themselves—a reality that Silverio points out as well.

“I would never judge someone based on the way that they dress, present themselves, their hair, etc. There is a stigma around dressing differently, especially in Marin. People just need to stop judging. At the end of the day, it’s their choice and nobody else’s,” Silverio said.

Performative males don’t meet the aggressive, avoidant, athletic or hyper-competitive image often tied to traditional masculinity. However, masculinity is subjective and following the performative male trend is not avoiding masculinity; rather, it is just a different form of it.

“Stereotypes that are said about performative males are from men who are not exactly confident in their masculinity and can’t deal with the fact that men can pull off this style that’s not traditional,” Silverio said.

In contrast to this opinion, Parnell offers a different interpretation.

“You can say that it’s adding to their masculinity because they’re embracing these feminine features, but they’re also doing it to please women. So I don’t know if I would say it’s empowering for them,” Parnell said.

This gendered dynamic isn’t new. The female version—the “pick me girl”—became a popular cultural term in the early 2020s to describe girls performing for male attention.

“I would say that a performative male is not the exact equivalent of a pick me girl,” Silverio said.

He explains that there is some correlation between the two, but “pick me girls” are more interested in getting attention while performative males are simply expressing themselves.

Senior Jack Lapic disagrees with the definition of performative males that social media has created. He argues that performative behavior in men isn’t about impressing women; it’s about proving themselves to other men by conforming to social trends. Previously, the standard has always been traditional masculinity, with trends such as the “alpha male.”

“If a girl is masculine, it’s not embarrassing, but if a guy is feminine, [men think] it’s really embarrassing, so then [men] try and amp [traditional masculinity] up,” Lapic said.

Rather than embracing soft masculinity as social media describes as being “performative,” historically, men often amplify loudness, aggression and emotional disconnect when with other men to prove themselves as a valuable member in a group or environment.

“If any guy likes anything feminine, I feel like it’s immediately labeled ‘gay,’” Lapic said.

This stereotypical masculinity is often amplified in groups where male behavior tends to mirror societal expectations in order to make them feel included and accepted, even if it harms others in the process.

“[This happens] especially when making fun of teachers. [Boys] wouldn’t make fun of a teacher if they were only alone, but because they’re in front of a group, they want to make the other people laugh,” Lapic said.

While research from the academic journal of Social Influence shows that men often dominate in visibility and influence in group settings, women typically engage similarly but without the aggressive “prove-your-worth” mentality.

“I don’t think girls are performative in front of each other. I think they’re more emotionally secure [within their friendships] to not have to do that,” Lapic said.

At the end of the day, the “performative male” craze is just another wave of social media trends, just like the “pick me girls” of 2020 and will likely be replaced with another stereotype trend in the near future. Instead of conforming to these changing trends, Silverio emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself.

“Being a performative male is a form of personal expression for people,” Silverio said. “Being performative at its truest form is doing it for yourself.”