While looking into my empty closet, previously filled with irreplaceable cute clothes, the reality of my sister going off to college hit me.

Finally able to be a slob in my own room and staying up late without anyone nagging me, I thought that not having a roommate would surely be a gift from God. But it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.

As I am the youngest of 12 children, and the only one left at home, I have watched many of my siblings leave for college.

I have seen the number of kids running around the house slowly shrink, but it had never affected me in a big way.

When the eldest child  in the house left, the next in line stepped up to assume the responsibility and power that the other left behind.

For me, being the youngest, it just meant one less person who could use me as their personal assistant.

When there were just three of us kids left at home, an eerie silence filled my house.

I felt uncomfortable with just two other siblings at home, even though that number is a norm for most people.

After the final two siblings both left for college, instead of the blissful “me time” I had anticipated, I have an empty void that I’m not quite sure how to fill.

When I was younger I had dreamed about this day, thinking I would finally fully embrace venturing out on my own.

But instead, it feels like all of a sudden, everything has disappeared, and I am an only child.

Over the years I had grown accustomed to making meals with my sister – she was always the head chef, and I the sous chef.

Now that I am left to my own devices, I find myself missing the elaborate meals we used to put together.

On the occasional school nights that I have to eat dinner alone, I feel like that lonely cat lady from the movies – except worse because I don’t have any pets.

Gone is the pointless banter, the two-second fights over clothes, the sharing of TV shows and the family chores.

We can no longer practice our daily rituals, such as making late-night-snacks and getting excited to watch the newest episode of Veronica Mars, 90210,  Modern Family, the Vampire Diaries, or Parks and Rec.

Now that I am an “only child,” there have been many mysterious occurrences.

Why has the trash in my room overflowed?

Why is the toothpaste always uncapped and nothing is put away?!

Since my sister has been gone, I’ve had to get mad at and make fun of my dad alone, which isn’t nearly as much fun.

Going home alone in the dreaded parking lot traffic is now so much more boring.

It took my 11 siblings going off to college and starting their own lives for me to realize and appreciate growing up with so many siblings.

Being the last child left at home makes my lifelong wish of having a younger sibling even more earnest.

I am deeply jealous of my friends who get to yell “FRESHMAN” at their little brother or sister.

People with a sibling at home with them  should take each fight and agonizing annoyance as a precious moment in time, because ultimately, nothing that good can last forever.