“I’m going to kill myself”
It’s the kind of phase that barely registers anymore. It gets said after bombing a test, tripping down the main building stairs or realizing an assignment was forgotten minutes before midnight. Even when meant sarcastically, these phrases don’t always stay harmless. They can quietly affect mental and physical health over time. Among teenagers, phrases like “RIP,” “I’m going to kill myself” or “I’m so stupid” are often used as exaggerated reactions to stress rather than literal statements.
These comments are all examples of negative self-talk, language students use to mask discomfort or stress in moments of pressure. They’re usually intended as jokes, but when repeated often enough, they can shift from harmless exaggerations into internal beliefs.
Junior Emily Muller notices how frequently those phrases appear during high-stress periods of the school year.
“When I hear [negative phrases] it’s usually [during] a really busy school week with a lot of homework and tests,” Muller said. “I think it’s just the heavy workload. People say things like that when they’re super overwhelmed and have way more on their plate than usual.”
Internal criticism has quietly become normal in student life, woven into everyday reactions to feeling overwhelmed. According to a January Bark survey, 44 percent of students said negative self-talk is triggered by academics, 38 percent said by college pressure and 43 percent said it’s triggered from sports and activities. With stress coming from so many directions, self-criticism can start to feel automatic.
Negative self-talk doesn’t only show up as jokes; it often shows up as internal thoughts like “I suck,” “I always mess up” or “I’m not good enough.” Carolyn Miller, a therapist at Redwood’s Health and Wellness Center, says negative self-talk can stir up untrue ideas about oneself that, with repetition, can cause long-lasting insecurities.
“In general, negative self-talk is something that’s untrue and unfounded,” Miller said. “But if it doesn’t get challenged, it becomes a pattern in the mind. Eventually, it turns into a core belief.”
The long-term power of negative self-talk lies in its repetition. Even when students don’t mean these phrases literally, hearing and saying them repeatedly can shift how they’re interpreted. What begins as exaggeration can start to feel true.
When those beliefs take hold, deadlines drag, productivity falls and performance suffers. Confidence drops before a task even begins. Students may freeze on material they know or hesitate when they could act, not because their ability is gone, but because they no longer trust it.
According to Thriveworks, a national clinically founded mental health organization, “Constantly criticizing oneself can lead to heightened levels of stress and anxiety. Ongoing internal pressure to meet unrealistic standards can cause a perpetual cycle of worry and tension.”
Muller points out another concern: when these phrases get repeated too often, they lose their urgency and are no longer taken seriously, which can have harmful consequences.
“I don’t really think [I want to kill myself] should be a normalized saying,” Muller said. “Because if someone does say it in a moment when they really need help, others might not take it seriously.”
When loaded phrases get thrown around too often, they blur the line between joking and real distress. In fact, according to a January Bark survey, when hearing phrases like “I’m going to kill myself” or “RIP,” 46 percent of students interpret them as a joke, 39 percent of students interpret them as exaggerated humor and only 11 percent interpret them with concern.
“When someone says, ‘Oh, I’m going to kill myself,’ someone usually chuckles,” Muller said.
When negative self-talk is constantly repeated, its impact can reach beyond the mind, affecting stress levels, focus and physical performance.
“What you think affects how your body functions,” Miller said. “Stress impacts your heart rhythm, your metabolism and your ability to rest. Anxiety can interfere with sleep, and lack of sleep affects everything else.”
Research suggests that ongoing self-criticism has been linked to higher levels of cortisol—the body’s stress hormone—which can contribute to fatigue, weakened immune response and difficulty controlling emotions. In other words, the way students talk to themselves doesn’t just shape their mindset; it can shape how their bodies feel day to day.
Miller emphasized that addressing negative self-talk isn’t only about forcing positivity.
“If they’re going to replace negative thoughts with something positive, it has to be something they actually believe,” Miller said.
Even something simple yet positive can help build confidence over time.
“If a student says, ‘I’m not good at math and I’m not going to do well in the class,’ they can [counter] that by saying, ‘You know what, I’m really good at soccer,’” Miller said. “That confidence can carry over. Feeling capable in one area can support confidence in others.”
One way students can fight their internal critic is by changing how they talk to themselves. Being one’s own best friend means changing how mistakes and stress are handled by acknowledging weaknesses without attacking personal worth. It’s about balancing accountability with patience, an approach that aligns with Miller’s emphasis on responding to negative thoughts with a realistic perspective instead of harsh self-judgment.
In practice, that can look like interrupting a spiral of self-criticism and reframing language to reflect reality. Shifting “I’m terrible at this” into “I’m struggling right now” or “I’m not good at this yet” allows room for growth without shame. It mirrors the way people tend to speak to friends: with care, honesty and encouragement.
