Sensitivity Warning: This article discusses heavy topics, including suicide and self-harm.
September was Suicide Awareness Month: a time dedicated to honoring the stories of those we have lost while educating ourselves on how to manage the grief, blame, and stigma related to mental health. In light of a recent suicide-related death within the Tamalpais Union High School District community, it has become even more important to recognize the impact of these tragedies and take steps to support those who may be at risk.
One powerful example of this impact comes from the story of author Jan Anderson, who faced the unimaginable loss of her son, Kristian, to suicide in 2002. Following his death, Anderson turned to writing as a way to process her grief, ultimately creating “Chasing Death,” a journal aimed at confronting the unspoken despair of child loss. “The overriding feeling in the beginning is enormous terrible guilt. You will always feel that there’s something that you could have said and done to prevent the tragedy, and there are so many whys and what-ifs. ‘Why didn’t he call me that night?’ You can end up crucifying yourself with all this crushing guilt. That’s what I felt,” Anderson said. “It’s so difficult to actually put how you really feel into words. It’s the worst thing in the world that any parent can ever endure.”
It is impossible to know who is silently suffering around you. Anderson never expected Kristian to die by suicide. According to Anderson, Kristian had never sought help or even exhibited symptoms of depression.
“When I spoke to all his friends, they all described him as such a happy guy. The last time I saw him was five weeks before he passed away. I found out that one of his so-called friends had beaten him up a few weeks before. When I saw him, he looked absolutely fine. I said to him, ‘Kristian, why didn’t you tell me?’ And he said, ‘Because I didn’t want you to worry Mom.’ I said to him, ‘Kristian, how do you think I’ll feel if a police officer turns up on my doorstep one day and tells me something’s happened to you, and I didn’t know and I could have done something?’” Anderson said. “I think about that all the time, because that’s exactly what happened, and he didn’t tell me.”
Although stories like Kristian’s aren’t frequently discussed, according to a 2024 September Bark survey, 21 percent of students reported experiencing suicidal thoughts. To put this statistic into perspective, more than one in five students have considered ending their own life. It may be someone in your grade, classroom or even at your lunch table.
Senior Lea Reynolds is part of this 21 percent. Just a year and a half ago, Reynolds tried to take her life. She was brave enough to come forward and tell her story on her social media. Lea Reynolds reported that she had obtained permission from her parents to share her story. They fully supported her decision, hoping that her experience might encourage others to seek help and feel less isolated.
“All the days were mushed together. Everything was the same. I wasn’t really looking forward to anything, and there wasn’t anything to live for,” Reynolds said. “I wasn’t thinking of my future at all. I don’t know if I had goals, but I definitely wasn’t thinking about them. ”
Reynolds depicts depression as a “liar,” that convinces you that your suffering is endless.
“The truth is, suicide doesn’t solve your problems; it only passes that pain onto those who care about you,” Reynolds said.
When she tried reaching out for help, she reported that her depression was not taken seriously and she was ignored. She was told that she was being dramatic, it wasn’t a big deal and that everybody experienced it.
“Then I just internalized all of that, went through it on my own and didn’t reach out for help again because I thought that’s how everybody else was going to react,” Reynolds said.
Reynolds explained that she initially felt as though her negative emotions were normal, until she lost control.
“[I didn’t realize my mental health was an issue] until after I tried to kill myself for the first time,” Reynolds said. “I just hoped [people] would take me seriously. It was an attempt for them to see that it wasn’t just something they could look past or something that they could discard.”
Dr. Robert Root, medical director of child and adolescent psychiatry at Sutter Health, says that there are some common warning signs to look out for in those who may be considering suicide.
“People considering suicide as an alternative may seem less social. If someone who plays on a sports team or likes to go to parties suddenly seems to stop doing those things, that is a reason for concern. Loss triggers suicidal thinking, so if someone experiences a breakup, that’s often a trigger. If someone is very intense about their academics and feels like they’re under too much pressure, the sense of overwhelm may be a trigger.” Root said. “It’s really important that family members, teachers, school counselors and friends are able to listen to someone in despair and say, ‘I’m here for you.’”
Root emphasizes that every crisis will eventually pass, and it is incredibly important to not let a temporary situation end in a permanent solution.
“One of the things I often will ask teens if they’ve made a suicide attempt is if they are happy that they lived. Many teens are relieved that the crisis has passed, and they’re really grateful that it didn’t work,” Root said.
According to a September Bark survey, 17 percent of students report having lost a loved one to suicide. Root acknowledges how difficult it can be to tell a trusted adult about a friend’s troubles, but vulnerability is worth saving a life.
“A teenager can be in a bind. ‘Do I violate my friends’ confidence when they’re asking me not to tell, or do I get help?’ No teen has the training or knowledge of what to do in that situation. What I tell teens is that getting an adult involved and helping to protect a friend is the most important thing,” Root said. “People are concerned about the fact that suicides are in the top five leading causes of death among teenagers. If people want to change that, one of the things they can do is be active.”
If you have or are currently experiencing any of the emotions described, you are not alone. Various resources can be found throughout the school if you’re trying to help a friend or yourself. If you or a loved one is struggling, please dial 988 to access the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline to prevent another life being lost due to suicide.
“Reaching out for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step towards healing. My life has completely changed since my attempt, and I can hardly put into words the amount of love and joy I have experienced. It truly does get better,” Reynolds said.
