Don’t flinch, Starbucks is the new grinch

Sam Sheridan

As many of us have heard, Starbucks has been destroying monasteries, exiling Christians, and attacking the innocent.

Oh wait, never mind, that must have been ISIS.

“Many Americans are upset with Starbucks’ new winter cups, but at least someone is happy.”

What did Starbucks do again to upset a population of vocal Americans? Oh right, it changed the color of its cups. Clearly an attack on Christianity. Or at least that’s what Joshua Feuerstein, a Christian “public figure,” seems to think.

Starbucks recently changed the design of its winter-themed cups, removing the previous decorations such as snow, reindeer, and ornaments that had adorned the cups. The new cup is a minimalist yet festive red. Starbucks said that it wanted to include everyone’s stories with its new cup.  

Joshua Feuerstein retaliated against this wicked plot to include other cultures by “pranking” Starbucks. Feuerstein went into a Starbucks and told them his name was “Merry Christmas,” forcing the barista to write “Merry Christmas” on the cups. I bet that made Starbucks really upset, because you know, they hate Christmas.

Feuerstein filmed this and posted it to Facebook. It quickly gained attention, and as of now has over 16 million views. Even Donald Trump weighed in on the situation, asking his audience, “Maybe we should boycott Starbucks?” Trump ended his little rant by saying, “If I become president, we’re all going to be saying Merry Christmas again, that I can tell you. That I can tell you.”

You would think that Trump would understand the business logic of appealing to a larger demographic, but I guess the evangelical vote is more important.

It’s absurd that people feel offended about including others, especially during the holiday season, which is known as a time to share joy with everyone. Furthermore, polarizing a topic as infinitesimal as the design change on a coffee cup is utterly ridiculous.

The holiday season should be inclusive for everyone, because it’s not just Christians who get to participate in the joy of American consumerism. The season is no longer entirely geared towards religion, it’s geared towards wallets.