I grew up with a single mother who was raised by a single mother as well — a legacy that shaped my identity in many powerful ways. Yet, when I share this with others, I am often met with subtle judgment. Society tends to view single motherhood through a lens of deficiency, assuming something essential must be missing in the household. But my lived experience tells a different story — one filled with resilience, deep connection and strength. From a young age, I questioned the harmful biases against single mothers. It became my personal mission to dismantle the narrative that single mothers are somehow “inadequate” — because the bond I have with my mother is unexplainable to anyone who has not experienced the true love and tenacity of a single mother. 

In recent years, single parents have come under increasing political and societal scrutiny. At the center of the latest controversy is a push by Republican lawmakers to eliminate the “Head of Household” tax filing status, a designation that provides essential tax relief to single-parent families. However, the impact of this change would disproportionately fall upon women. According to The Life of a Single Mom, a national nonprofit supporting single mothers, “of the nearly 15 million single parent-led households in the United States, more than 80 percent of them are led by single moms.” But this story isn’t just about taxes. It’s part of a much larger narrative — one that’s been brewing for centuries. Single mothers have long been labeled as a threat to social order, blamed for raising “damaged” children and stigmatized for not fitting the mold of the ideal nuclear family. Yet, as we examine the data, these presumptions quickly unravel.

The prejudice held towards single mothers began to escalate during the post-WWII era when the “nuclear family” ideal — a working father, a stay-at-home mother and dependent children — was cemented into cultural identity. The nuclear family became the “normal” and “healthy” family lifestyle. Thereafter, other familial styles were stigmatized — particularly those led by single mothers. 

These stigmas have persisted into the modern day. A 2020 Single Parent Rights’ campaign found that 80 percent of single parents experienced discrimination. And, according to a 2022 Pew Research Report, “​​47 percent of U.S. adults say single women raising children on their own is generally a bad thing for society.” This is a shockingly high statistic relative to the fact that roughly 24 million, or one-third of all American children, are living with an unmarried parent. But, children with single mothers often prove to be just as resilient, self-sufficient and well rounded than those raised in two-parent households. Their family style has little, if any, effect on their learned behaviors. 

San Rafael based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Terry Rivera agrees with this, adding that these important factors of maturity are not inherently learned from the classic nuclear family.

“Resilience, adaptability, flexibility [and] independence are valuable qualities for [a child] being able to mature into having a productive, healthy and happy lifestyle. [But], they can be developed in all different kinds of [familial] settings,” Rivera said.

Society’s view of single motherhood is due for reconsideration. The data surrounding children raised by single mothers proves contrary to almost every harmful myth about single parenthood that has been peddled since the birth of the nuclear family. The reality is that single-parent households can be just as nurturing, stable and healthy for children as any other.

Recently single mother and nurse practitioner Lesha McPeak feels that pushing past this myth and separating was the best thing she could have done for her son.

“When [my ex and I] were living together, we would try not to have our fights in front of him. But when I think back, we were definitely having arguments in front of him, even if it was just a tone change. Now, he’s not witnessing that and we’re all doing better,” McPeak said. “My best advice for parents that are going to separate is to really think about how to make the situation better for your child.”

But what are the ways to make a situation better for a child? Evidence is clear that household style has nothing to do with childhood success. What really matters is parental involvement, economic stability, strong support systems and low conflict in the household. 

When researching these guidelines, the National Library of Medicine found that parent involvement assists in declines with problem behaviors and improvements in social skills. They also found that economic stability of a household heavily influences a child’s developmental trajectories, also noting that children show lesser results on measures of cognitive, social-emotional and physical development. Strong support systems have such a large impact on children that Colorado State University – Global Campus found that they have “psychological and emotional benefits, from increased self esteem to lowered blood pressure.” And finally, the National Library of Medicine found that the presence of conflict in a home is more damaging than many realize — the lingering emotional effects of family tension can seriously weaken a child’s sense of well-being and security.

Rivera emphasized just this, explaining how parenting goes beyond providing the basics for children, but also catering to their emotional needs — something single mothers can provide just as well as a more traditional household.

“The quality of the connection to their caregivers is the most important,” Rivera said. “And within that, attunement — how well their caregiver is able to pay attention to the needs of the child. That goes beyond just care and feeding, [it is about] being able to have the child feel that their parent can see them, is paying attention and is responding to what they need.”

But beyond the basic necessities for children, single mothers often provide an environment where children can learn from their resilience and selflessness. Daughter of a single mother and successful entrepreneur Janine Yancey describes how she has seen children of single mothers internalize and reflect their mothers’ strengths, adopting similar resilience and determination.

“For the most part, single moms are working harder,” Yancey said. “[They] work to provide the same level of experience for you that it takes another mom who’s got a partner sharing the load. So, [children] pick that up. They’re learning from what their parent is advocating and telling them.”

This kind of learning often begins early, when children of single mothers begin to take on household responsibilities and observe their mother’s ability to manage everything on her own. These experiences naturally foster strong problem-solving and organizational skills through example.

Yancey credits her mother for her independence from a young age. She explains how her single mother was overworked and underprivileged, and how Yancey had to work hard to pick up the pieces.

“For people like myself who had [a single mother], it really builds a lot of resilience. You just adapt and you make things happen,” Yancey said. “That definitely influenced my ability to navigate through college without any funding or support.”

Lesha McPeak was also raised by a single mother and feels that her mom instilled the importance of a good work ethic and stability in the home, something she plans to provide for her son.

“I credit my mom. My mom is just a ball of strength,” McPeak said. “We didn’t have a lot of money — she was a waitress for a large part of my life and she worked her butt off and tried very hard. She instilled this great work ethic [in me]. But more than anything, it was a drama-free life. There was no fighting and screaming, and she loved us. And that’s what I’m going to give my son.”

The truth is that it would be dishonest to preach that single motherhood comes with no difficulties, because it comes with quite a few — economic pressures, time constraints for spending time with children and facing persistent stigma for your lifestyle. Yet, societal stigma is within our power to address. It is imperative to the emotional wellbeing of both children and their single parents that they feel secure and accepted in the family they have. 

According to North State Parent, an organization educating on how to help single parents succeed, it is crucial that peers of single parent families include single parents and their children in social activities to assist in forming that vital support system, according to North State Parent. Beyond helping these families on a personal level, it is also important to vote for legislation that can benefit single parents in your community. 

When answering the question, “Can single mothers raise healthy children?” CNN reported that the “advantages of being raised by a single mother outweigh expectations,” a comment that has been proven correct.

Recently divorced mother of two daughters Sarah Helmkamp said just that, explaining how single motherhood has taught her more than she could ever imagine. 

“You are strengthening [as a single mom],” Helmkamp said. “Hopefully, if you’re paying attention, you’re going to come out a better person, because your kids are forcing you to do that as a single parent. So, it’s pretty cool.”

As research and personal stories continue to challenge long-standing myths, one thing becomes blatantly clear: single-parent households are not inherently broken or lacking. On the contrary, they are a widely misunderstood yet deeply resilient part of the modern family landscape.