Littering. Although most commonly viewed in Marin as a cardinal sin, many innovative Redwood students have recently embraced the practice after realizing that it could actually be the answer to many of Redwood’s problems.

Ilustration by Will Durkee

Now most people will tell you that littering is a sign of laziness, one that shows we are not being conscious of the world around us, that we do not care about the earth. However, that is a blatant assumption that holds no truth.

I too was once ignorant to the plus side of littering, but as I sat on the South Lawn at the end of lunch one day my gaze fell upon the area where a multitude of freshmen and sophomores sat. What I realized, in an instant of divine clarity, was that these students were not lazy at all. Instead, these courageous souls were brave enough to throw what remained of their lunches on the ground in the name of helping our beloved school.

The first thing that this group of littering geniuses must have realized was that, by leaving behind their plates, bottles and bags, they are doing our custodial staff a huge favor. In these hard economic times, no one has as much job security as he or she would like, and if there were no trash to pick up at the end of every day, our custodians might be out of work.

In an effort to keep our Redwood family whole, these students have agreed to litter more because they appreciate every staff member and do not want to see any of them go. Besides, what custodian doesn’t love spending all of their time and effort picking up mountains of trash around school — they’ll appreciate the thoughtfulness.

Another positive aspect to littering, that our enlightened peers have obviously come to see, is that the more students litter, the more the administration thinks about it. This will distract them so much that our tardies and absenses will be neglected and seizures of drugs and alcohol will be completely abandoned.

And what better way to spend all of the excess money that the district has lying around than using it to continuously clean up our campus? Education is a sinkhole anyways.

To those who say that Redwood’s littering students are not doing it for the good of the school, but instead out of their own self-involvement, I would say, think again. We are in the year 2010: the future, where everything is supposed to be shiny and clean. In 2010 no one is so moronic or so inconsiderate to just leave their trash on the ground when everyone knows our world already has more pollution than it can handle.

Also, there are so many garbage cans around campus that it would be effortless for them to simply throw their leftovers in one of them.

No, these students have thought about the common good and come to the conclusion that, even though it is an extreme inconvenience for them now, they must continue littering to keep our school as amazing and flawless as it already is. So we should commend these schoolyard heroes for their ingenious discoveries and for thinking about the needs of the whole school, not just themselves.